Paris, Part 1

So much has happend since I last wrote that I don't even know where to start. I've been jotting down some random thoughts & notes, and what you'll see here is my
attempt to synthesize them. I apologize for the sporadic nature, but thus are my opportunities to share with you. I hope you value them.
I began writing these almost a month ago now, and so, of course, some of my thoughts, opinions & experiences have changed since then, but I think they're still valuable.
This, for example, I wrote when I was thinking of 'how hard' it is to travel alone, (as so many people have brought it up) & not be 'plugged in', but, of course, there are two
sides to every coin:
I like being challenged in this way. I think the reason I like travelling so much is witnessing all of God's people, in all their forms, and is why I don't mind being challenged
with not having a ministry, a community to belong to while I 'conduct my research' as it were, as God is with me throughout. Sure, it gets lonely not having the support of
friends and family, but unfortunately, I am all too used to that, and thus I benefit from it not being a crutch in which I rest and stick my head in the sand. When all my
travels are done though, I fear i'll be odder still than I was before, and finding the ellusive community is the thing that most hangs over my head. Some of my friends have
this and so are searching for their own enlightenment... and so, "those that have..." and "the grass is always greener..." but anyway. World traveller, explorer... lost soul
really, amidst other lost souls...
This is what I jotted down on our first trip to Paris since being here, it was a fieldtrip with the school:
First day back in Paris & it feels like home again - I would so live here, for a year maybe, but not more. We got on the metro, or squeezed in I should say, and there was
a band on too, busking. So funny. Btw, contemporary art = pornography. Men think women are just tits and ass. Walked around the Eiffel Tower - got good pics. Lots
of hooligans for the rugby world cup. It's kinda a neat feeling in the air. Walked around Paris by night, got some good pics. Paris is so cozy - for lovers. Paris lovers
are plentiful. The French hang off each other, North Americans could use to learn from that. One flesh.
There are too many things in my head to write down. Paris can only be expressed in pictures - I've taken 900 pictures... that's 900,000 words.
France is a really pretty country, pastel. But it smells like cologne & poop. And their fashion is stuck in time, 60s & 80s fashion. Maybe the effects of less media - rich or
empty?
I don't believe in iconography, but it's amazing what and how much people have done for God. Looking at the statues, there is a deep profundity that we have lost with
comfort & excess. The detail & emotion & magnitude is astounding.
I want to collect art - like the ones I saw in Nice, & the Paris streets. Impressionism, Expressionism, Cubism. I want to have babies I can put model airplanes in their
bedrooms.
I am numb to new experiences. Perhaps it is time to settle down... perhaps not. I will always be numb to thoughtlessness. Only God can quench my soul.
I miss & love the English language, its intimacy, art, wit & conceits. It gets a lot of flack for being 'the language of commerce', of the great, cold westernized world... but
being here has actually made me appreciate things I never knew (or ever thought I would know) I took for granted. I am thankful to be Canadian, they talk about us a lot
over here, it's quite nice to realize we're not in America's shadow after all, and our accomplishments are lauded by others, not just ourselves (man that inferiority complex.
;)) We are also England's, US', Australia's & France's sisters & brothers... I think there's something very cool about that. Being over here has made me pround to be
Canadian and a part of the great English literary and historic tradition. English is the language of three major, great nations, five really, and 'the other' that we always
compare to... those other people, over there, who are doing something more right than we are... aren't always really better. For whatever better they're doing, they're also
doing worse at something else. And so, it's all the same. Although, people do understand the concept of 'different strokes for different folks' better over here. Something
that's not as clear in the US or Canada, where every girl has a pair of lululemons. ;-)
Just got back from my weekend in Paris and it was amazing. Exhausting, but amazing. However, I have come home to a firestorm, as Tuesday's my busiest day, and one
of my teachers has taken issue with me, and we had a row. She is psycho, I'm not kidding. These people always find me, but I think that God is teaching me to put my
foot down. My first reaction in these situations is - what can I do do diffuse them, and what have I done to cause it. I am learning more and more though that just because
you are perfectly sane, doesn't mean you should expect the same from others, and it is these 'special cases' I need to learn to stand my ground with, and walk away from.
It's part of being a mature adult, and I'm sick of being pushed around by people with their own issues.
More on that:
I'm beginning to realize, the more I interact with more people, that all the people I outgrew in elementary & highschool, haven't evolved, even though I thought they did, and
now they are finding me. And so, it is inevitable, they are everywhere. I just wish that I could celebrate with this knowledge, and float on top, instead of doing the opposite
& hiding. The thing is, I can't float without company. I need company. maybe I should float & then find the company. Like the Italian girl. maybe I need italian friends. :)
[More on the Italian girl later. :)]
I think I'm a masicist as I keep drudging through these situations, when I should stand up for myself, complain, or just walk away. But I always want to make nice and not
walk away from difficulties. Maybe I've accepted it as normal - maybe it is, we're bound to it - I just haven't been able to recognize what 'normal' is yet. However, enough
is enough, there is a line to be drawn, and at some point I will be old enough to command that respect; not that everyone doesn't deserve it regardless of age. This time I
already feel like the bigger person. Enough is enough.